Then I dropped myself.
So much to update.
I will recap Guatemala at another time, for now I'd like to go on a rant of the state of current affairs.
My second to last week in Guatemala I was asked to come stay with my grandma for two weeks while my uncle went on a trip. Of course I obliged because my grandma is amazing and I feel like I could never repay her for the time she spent with me as a kid.
Now even though I was happy to go it did put a pressing on the pickle of my plans.
Having made the decision to move out of my house after my landlord told me he was selling it the day before I left for Guate, I had to quickly find my next homestead.
Mind you I've lived in the same house for 7 years. I have been very against apartment living for some time, however as I have been traveling and opening my mind and world, my unease has eased.
First of all, I'm straight tired of mowing. Lord am I tired of mowing.
I'm also tired of roommating, ready to sing aloud and walk around naked, without a care.
Although all of my roommates have been great (I've been lucky) nothing beats walking around naked.
Plus, there's no challenge quite like having to move. There's also a freshness that comes with a completely new space. I think I did all that I could at Moneyhouse and now it's time for a change.
Change is good, challenges are great.
I decided to leave Guatemala a few days early so that I would have a week at my house before going to Memphis for granny.
I went into go mode as soon as I got back and the outcome is that I was able to find a good apartment (downtown for a walkable experience) and pack 80% of my stuff.
I went very hard that week! I was getting rid of stuff left and right, I even threw away about ten years worth of art!
Now don't go getting sad about that, that art is an old part of me, new art will always come.
I decided to pair down some hobbies to put some focus on what types of things I plan on making this year. That allowed me to give away a ton of supplies to other people. I gave away pillow filler, Plexi glass, animal bones, everything but the kitchen sink.
I parted with a piece of my finger(mostly nail) that I had chopped off about ten years ago.
I parted with plant materials, papers, costumes.
And it felt great!!!!
It felt fucking amazing actually!
What a beautiful thing it is to be able to change and grow and lessen your attachment. I already feel so much lighter and more focused.
Now the lease is signed and the date is set. I move in the day that I get back from Memphis.
I'm very excited about this new experience.
However it's been a struggle to be present here in Memphis while in this limbo state of moving and changing. Physically I am here, mentally I'm in a pile of boxes in Tulsa.
One such reminder of this absentmindedness happened today as I was in a rush to get a sparkling water before my next meeting.
I rushed down the wrong set of stairs in my socks and was quickly met with the clash of bones and hard wood.
Elbones to be exact. As I awoke crumpled at the bottom of the stairs in confusion of how this could have possibly happened, I winced and let out many of fucks. Squeezed a few of my parts, nothing seemed broken or surely I would've known.
I tell myself that since I've never broken a bone, surely I will know when it happens.
Surely.
Physically I am hurt but ok, however this hurt me emotionally and I feel really silly about it.
It shook me!
It was a tear in the fabric of my invincibility, and that's not ok!!!
I'm not just some silly person who slips and falls, that would be ridiculous.
Apparently today, I am that person. I've heard that my uncle (6ft something very tall) has done this a few times too.
It doesn't make it hurt any less, especially in the ego region.
I got moody after this fall, mentally hurt at the audacity of gravity. I cancelled my meetings so I could just take hot baths and wallow a bit.
There's a metaphor in here somewhere about this fall being the crash of the rush of all the upcoming changes, I'll let you figure it out.
For now, I'm in the bath, almost out of my wallowing and thankful that I didn't break anything other than my pride.
