A blog post

Where I just post lyrics to one of my fave songs and wish I was playing a fair game with someone fun.

Fair Game

Song by Sia

Lyrics

You terrify me, 'cause you're a man, you're not a boy
You got some power, and I can't treat you like a toy
You're the road less traveled by a little girl
You disregard the mess while I try to control the world
Don't leave me, stay here and frighten me
Don't leave me, come now enlighten me
Give me all you got, give me your wallet and your watch
Give me your first-born, give me the rainbow and the...

So, go and challenge me, take the reigns and see
Watch me squirm baby, but you are just what I need

And I've never played a fair game
I've always had the upper hand
But what good is intellect and airplay
If I can't respect any man
Yeah, I want to play a fair game
Yeah, I want to play a fair game

You terrify me, we've still not kissed and yet I've cried
You got too close and I pushed and pushed hoping you'd bite
So, I could run, run and that I did but through the dust
You saw those teeth marks, they weren't all yours you had been trust
Into a history, that had not worked for me
Into a history, from which I could not flee
So, go on shake me, shake until I give it up
Wearing me down baby, I know that we could make some love

So, go and challenge me, take the reigns and see
Watch me squirm baby, but you are just what I need

And I've never played a fair game
I've always had the upper hand
But what good is intellect and airplay
If I can't respect any man
Yeah I want to play a fair game
Yeah I want to play a fair game
And I've never played a fair game
I've always had the upper hand
But what good is intellect and airplay
If I can't respect any man
I want to play a fair game
Oh, I've never played a fair game
(I've always had the upper hand)
But what good is intellect and airplay
(If I can't respect any man)
Yeah, I want to play a fair game
Yeah, I want to play a fair game

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Kurstin Gregory Allen / Furler Sia Kate I

2 new trees

In MoneyHouse.

If you haven't caught on yet that's what we call this residence.

It's not a fixation on Money but rather a celebration of abundance and sharing energy in a positive and creative manner. A shared sense of possibility 🌞🙃

There is T$(Me), H$(Haroldo), and a revolving cast of characters 😌💕

All of who seem touched by MoneyHouse vibes.

It is my last night home alone before Lydia moves in. I like living alone and I like living with people. There are pros & pros and it all lends to the experience of consciousness.

I do not think that I enjoy living with a romantic partner though or at least not from my experience. At times when there is true intimacy it seems hard to get out of that shared headspace that you find yourself in. If you're in love with me you can just buy the house across the street. Not to defer to Whoopi but -

Sometimes I feel like there is so much introspection that is needed (forever) to consistently work hard and become the best version of myself… it is actually a lot of work 🥲😅

Like borderline exhausting.

But hey I've got 2 new trees in my house that my brother gave me, the MoneyHouse jungle expands.

I'm writing, reading, learning…feeling 🔥

Plus the bed fort has a lighting update:

I've been listening to a little Jim Rohn that I stumbled across and the timing 🙌

1. Learn how to handle the winters(difficult times)

2. Learn how to take advantage of the spring

3. Learn how to protect your crops all summer

4. Learn how to reap without complaint if you do bad or without apology if you do well- take full responsibility for what happens to you.

Discipline 🥲

The held breath

& A breakthrough.

Funny how life works, my mourning times get shorter while the learning processes speed up.

Taking the tape off the box to climb out, if you will.

Exciting things are coming, always. Life is exciting and i’m having fun with it.

The universe keeps pushing me towards growth 🙏😌 & Im diving in 🌊

A clockwork sunday

Coffee in bed to start, of course.

Followed up by perusing a few shoppes with mostly no lucky in looking for the exact right thing that I’m needing.

Popped over to Home Depot to get a few more color-changing led lightbulbs. These lightbulbs are 100% worth every penny. I can control the lights from my phone, making them any shade and brightness that I want. Installed one in the main room and one in the hallway, saving one for Lydia.

After securing the bulbs of a lifetime I jetted over to Natty Gross to get some weekly essentials. Seaweed, lettuce, avos, fruit, flax milk, and more lavender essential oil for the calming 🤣.

I then went HAM on my house, clearing clutter, organizing the bathroom, adding some accent turf to random bits 😅. Trimmed and washed the large plantbois, put most of the bones I had in the window - on the porch. Spray painted the mailbox pink 🦄a typical Sunday.

It feels so great to be hit with that nesting feeling and to take the time to make my space nice and enjoyable to be in💕.

I also washed all the floors and made homemade croutons (which were delicious).

I got so much accomplished from my to do list today there's really no other choice than to be relaxed at this point.

🌞🥲

A strange dream

And a lesson in expectations.

Last night I had a dream where I was in a seating area and across the way was Leonardo DiCaprio. He came closer (tho he originally was only a few feet away) and he went from being in a suit to being a totally different person. The name changed from Leonardo DiCaprio to some confusing offshoot of that name. Okay so maybe it's not Leo at this point. I thought, “oh he's Italian” and as we were talking it came out that he was really just from Brooklyn…then we went to dinner. A nice place like Bull in the Alley in dt Tulsa. I thought, “oh we’re about to have a delicious meal” he ordered and we were with a few others, all chatty. Well when the food arrived it was really just a round of hot dogs and I didn't even get one, the person next to me offered up about a fifth of the dog they were eating. We received four oz beers in plastic cups. I thought, “What is this madness”.

Everything in the dream changed rapidly from fantasy to some gas station version of that fantasy 🤣.

It's not the first lesson in expectation I received this week but hilarious that this theme had followed me to my dreams.

It's good, amor fati.

I need these reminders that not everything moves at the pace that I am moved by.

I spilled a little coffee on my bed a day or so after washing my linens. I just spilled a lot of coffee on my bed and even a lil on me this morning. A las there is no one to sue but myself. I'll never stop drinking my coffee in bed! No matter how often I end up washing my linens, I'm a sucker for this bougie habit. Can't stop, won't stop.

Amor fati - a love of ones fate. It keeps me laughing through the coffee spills and slight disappointments.

I've already made my life in such a way that I love it, everything that happens now is icing on top of the cake.

Well rested

After a few bouts of social gatherings this weekend I took the rest of Sunday off to … rest.

I have to recharge myself constantly in order to go back out in the world and be my authentic self.

I prioritize my sleep and unless there is something before 7 or an otherwise risk I sleep without an alarm.

I wake up and try to think about how I want the day to feel, then I get out of bed to make coffee…only to get back in bed and drink my coffee.

Please let me know if there is something better and more luxurious than drinking coffee in bed because I'm not sure that there is, maybe a nap in the sun.

The seasons are changing, I've already noticed the sun's retreat in the morning.

Winter in Tulsa…its…grey. But we won't let it get us this time.

Time to flip the script! Winter will be grey…sure…there's no getting around that but more importantly it will be cozy! And full of soup! And maybe a lasagna or two! Fire times in the backyard! A welcomed retreat to the bed fort for rest and contemplation of what adventures to uncover next.

Oh and books!!! Books and the forced time inside 🤝

I can feel my body and mind retreating like the sun. A time that creates space fo creative ideas, what fantastic hats will I make this winter? Will I start a podcast? What ridiculous comedic rants will I go on? What incredible outfits will I come up with and skirt about town in?

A good friend of mine is moving back into “MoneyHouse” as we call it and MoneyHouse vibes will be full strength. It'll be a fun and cozy winter and if you're not convinced yet, maybe go out and get one of those s.a.d. lamps…I have one 😅

I don't have to be in the feeling of every song to long for it or appreciate it the sense of it.

What a hilarious

Life.

All of it, really.

I am here for it 💯

The nuances of life and variety of experiences that it provides keeps me cracking up and tehe-ing to myself.

Side note I've become really accustomed to incorporating emojis 😘

I didn't think that I would ever be some sort of emojiholic but 🤡

Like sometimes there's no better way to say what I need to other than 🤠

If I go 😤 this is serious business, I am literally huffing and puffing and it's coming out of my nostrils, I don't have time to write that out all the time so 😤😤😤

🙏 for understanding 😌

But for some reason this ☺️ enrages me.

Anyways I could go on but 🙃

I'm currently chilling in my bed fort with Haroldo Rivera and writing both digitally and I also have a pen in my hand because I was writing when I was motivated to write this blog 😅

I'll leave you with this, right after I bragged in my journal about being “so mature, it's insane” I put this down:

Define clown

All of that to say 😲 life is really something else 🌞

I make my dreams come true

With intention, I've been able to change my life pretty dramatically…a few times over.

I, of course, get nowhere alone. We all need people, much more than we think. I've been lucky enough to gravitate towards people that inspire me and encourage me to be and do better(even if this was something they realized or not).

Today marks six months at my job 💞 - a job that I can honestly say I love.

When I started Holberton in January 2020 they had us pass around the mic and talk about why we decided to take the program.

The mic came to me and my reason was clear, “I'm doing this so I can get a remote tech job and be at home with my cat, where I'm needed most”

Now there are actually endless other reasons why I decided to go this route but the one I'm most fond of is that I get to be at home with my cat….who needs me most 🥲

Six months! It has felt like a breeze with a company that feels like family. My favorite part of any job is the people I work with and I work with so many interesting and kind individuals at my company now.

I have made my dreams come true and so I guess it's time to dream even bigger 💘

🌞🌞🌞

Heading out of town to go visit my girl gang in Omaha.

Feeling grateful and excited to have some time off. All my recent trips have been for work or to see my grandma and all of them have been amazing but I'm excited about this solo trip adventure.

I haven't had a solo trip that didn't involve family since…maybe ever…

😌😌😌

Too comment

Better

“Will you feel anything at all?”

Daydreaming of a road trip.

Top comment:

🥲

A song that reminds me of a beautiful

Movie.

😌

This song will never not be

Lit AF.

Something about this song reminds me of Texas.

Went for a walk this morning, got my meditation in and felt a strange wave of nostalgia for random memories.

I want to be absorbed by the overgrowth.

When this song came out

I loved it and it still kind of cracks me up in some ways.

I can't explain everything

For example this morning I've been loving this song, a funny song for a Monday morning.

My country-ness comes like a wave sometimes and this morning this song is just hitting the spot 😅

Had a nice walk and meditation at the Gathering Place and now I'm country pre-gaming for work. Nothing like Merle on a Monday to get the energy flowing 🙃.

Oh summer

I'm in love with you. I always have been, I always will be.

I mean until it gets so unbearably hot that I can no longer go outside…but for now my dear…te amo.

And I am really enjoying this summer it just seems slightly sweeter for some reason.

Maybe it's that I have a job that I love, or that I've met so many new friends, or that I'm sailing weekly with a real pirate crew 💕…all of the above I'm sure.

Feeling really grateful for the energy that is abound rn, and I'm feeling an even stronger pull of something exciting coming…not sure what that will be but I'm sure it will be revealed in the months to come.

I've ordered a bunch of color film and I can't wait to get to shooting that 😻.

I am living in a chefs kiss right now and I know that things always change and ebb and flow but I say that because I'm recognizing how good things are for me now and really soaking that up.

😽

The Monday morning

After a weekend that stung me like a wasp.

Learning every day what I do and don't want in my life and in my mind.

Everyday I just get more comfortable with the process and more confident in the path I'm laying for myself.

It's so easy to get caught up and distracted by what other people want from you but at the end of the day how you live your life is your responsibility.

I didn't give in this time. I pat myself on the back for that. I'm maintaining my inner peace and thwarting off any intrusions to that. Peace gets restored by a solo breakfast at Queenies sometimes and I like that.

If it were easy to accept what's good and let go of what's bad for you, everyone would do it.

Now as I sit in my dream castle of a bed, drinking my coffee and reflecting on a very interesting weekend, I feel good. Everything that went well and anything that went not so well is all a part of the process. I'm just lucky to get to enjoy it and experience it.

Onward.

Another summer weekend

Wrapped up.

Friday night I had a beautiful dinner with a friend and we talked for hours about the ways in which life is a doozy.

Saturday I went full on country with my attire and scooted about town for a bit. Met a few characters along the way.

You know it's a good outfit when the band comes up to you after their show to tell you 🙃🤠

Earlier in the evening I also had a girl pass by me and say,

“I love your shirt…

…my dad just passed away

He would've loved that shirt

I'm drunk rn

Just wanted to tell you I love your shirt…”

I'm out here making people's night in my cowgirl cosplay.

Everyone loved the hat, thanks grandpa 💕

I love expressing myself and my visual aesthetic through styling choices…but you already knew that.

Sunday was a beautiful day. Got to go to bristow to spend time with my best friend on her birthday. She is my baby queen and it was filling to be with her and see have a great day.

A good group of powerful women 😌

Can't wait to see how this friendship evolves, Willy & Fiona 💕

And after that I got to go hang out at a lovely pool with two of my favorite people.

I laid out on the hot rock and mega relaxed.

It was quite a full weekend and I loved every minute of it.

I'll just leave you with these two things, a pic of me feeling sunkissed and some late night thots.

“THERE is no greater love..”

“In all the world, it's true
No greater love
Than what I feel for you”

This song goes out to sailing 💕🤣

🥲🙏

Tis the season and I'm back in love with sailing, not that I ever fell out. The feeling that I get when I'm out there on a boat…there is no greater love. I'm in my premium state of relaxation and joy when I'm on a boat. It resonates with every part of me, I am meant for this life 💕.

And for it to be a hop from Tulsa, we are truly blessed. Sure, Tulsa has it's issues but there truly are amazing nuances to this place.

Another sailor gave me a ring at the end of the night and we talked boats and he offered to train me on his raceboat. Ay ay captain, Queen Splashy Baby(that's me 🙃) reporting for duty.

What a beautiful summer it's turning out to be. I'm tuning into joy and staying there…at least…until….winter….but we don't need to talk about that right now 🤣😅.

Darn Skippy….

The Darn Skippy beat us in the race by a hair.

My inner being

Is pleased.

Yesterday was a very nice day.

I got the jump to go shoot hoops in the morning before starting work. Any day that starts with some time at the gathering place is a good day. About halfway through my hoop shooting I was approached by this guy, at first I didn't really understand what he was saying but the gist was that I was going to shoot the hoops and he would keep passing it to me and I would keep shooting.

I had no reason to deny this and he was really into it so I agreed. We did this for about ten minutes before I knew that I needed to come back home and get ready for work. We chatted for a bit as I was about to head out. His name is George and apparently the court that I was shooting on was his spot (tbh it was my spot from about five months ago but I didn't argue) and he came over to basically tire me out so he could have his spot 🤣. What a fella, hope to see George again as I reclaim my spot on the courts.

Any day that starts with a new friend on the courts is 💯💯💯.

After work I went to the Tulsa Agile Practitioners meetup. It was my first time attending and I really enjoyed it. It was a good reminder of the value of being around other industry professionals. Keeping my 👀 open for a mentor of sorts. Looking forward to being a part of this group and absorbing the knowledge of others experiences.

Attending an event like this is validation that I'm on the right career path for me and it feels really great.

---

In other news, I'm dropping off a roll of film at Apertures today and it's always a treat to get film back.

I can finally try out my SinShine 🤣

I didn't name this product but I feel like there are probably better names for an electric air duster.

---

I'm making friends wherever I go and it's dope af.

Last Friday a new Sailor friend took me out on his MC for a splashy fun ride. When I'm out on a sailboat I feel like I'm in the exact right place that I need to be. Sailing is just the best, I'm so thankful for the sailors that introduced me to this blissful experience.

Texts that I love to get:

Life is looking really 'chefs kiss' from here 🥴

Life is a dream

Full, beautiful, and fun to be in.

I threw a brunch party for my roommate who is moving to Pittsburgh at the end of the month.

It was a reunion of friends that all started the software engineering program together last January before the pandemic hit.

It is an interesting mix of people and I'm happy that I got to be a part of it.

The weather rained just a bit and then it turned into the most beautiful day.

We drank topo chicos and sparkling wine, we ate delicious food and we laughed.

A good time was had by all.

I hadn't hosted a party in probably three or four years. At this point I'm kind of a professional at it(project management) so I know how to do it with (mostly) ease.

Having a good time yourself while also facilitating a good time for others is the fat on top of the cream.

I also saw this moth before everyone arrived. A party moth.

In other news:

• Going to my first meetup tonight with the “Tulsa Agile Practitioners”

• Double fisting my listenings, from the waking up app, “The Path of Insight” and also just started, “Good to Great”.

• Learning how to sail a bit more and I will probably start crewing on some races 😌

• Getting a roll of film developed this week 🤞

Overall I'm enjoying life and reminding myself to not get attached to outcomes.

But it would be really nice if the film comes back looking fire👌😅🙏

One of my favorites from Venice Beach, CA.

35mm psychedelic blues #2 film