Of love.
It's been a wild week with a lot of different experiences, interactions, and conversations with a variety of different types of people. It's also been a very introspective week for me (but I guess that's just my nature 😅).
I don't like to label myself too much and I am highly sus of language and it's ability to accurately describe everything in this world, but one label that is resonating with me in a way that just makes my physical and mental maintenance make much more sense is “introverted extrovert”.
I have a deep and genuine love for people and sharing different experiences with different types of people.
Sometimes I question myself because even though I know that I really enjoy interacting with people, I only enjoy it if I'm able to be fully present, and the only way for me to be fully present is in a relaxed frame of mind. This relaxed frame of mind comes to me through deep alone time.
Conversations with myself make conversations with other people 100% better. Lifelong journaler 🫡 here.
I wonder if you can relate to other people very well without relating to yourself?
There's the saying “treat others how you want to be treated” and the follow up “treat others how they want to be treated” but I think how you treat yourself is generally congruent with how well you are able to treat others.
If you have no understanding for yourself, it's harder to be understanding with other people too.
I know that I get the best results with other people when I “start close in”.
This is a photo I took of this guy roller skating in Memphis carrying a huge stick, 35mm.
To me starting close in is just doing the things that you don't want to do but you know that you need to do in order to maintain existence.
I think it seems easier for people to take care of others before taking care of themselves but I don't think that this is particularly effective.
Do the things that you need to do for you, even if you don't want to, because it adds up.
Do I want to do the dishes? Does anyone ever want to do the dishes?
But having the kitchen clean will make me feel better in the long run, so I do the dishes. This logic is surprisingly not easy to come by, it took me awhile to learn the value of compounding uncomfortable things.
Such is life, and the better that you can get at dealing with and being in uncomfortable situations, the more relaxing that life can be. You've put up with a bunch of crazy situations and people and now you know that you can handle pretty much anything in this unpredictable experience that we are having. This gives a safety that can only be found in peace of mind.
So I know all of this but I think previously in my life I would feel guilty for not wanting to be social. I think back on how I used to live my life with so much interaction and not enough personal time to reflect, I was insanely stressed about pretty much anything. It's very strange to look back and think “she needed so much space”.
The more that I accept my nature and work with myself vs against myself, the better I am at being present with other people. What a novel idea, take care of yourself so that you can take care of other people too.
So I like the label of introverted extrovert because it makes me feel less guilty for being a person in a complicated world with changing needs.
But oh boy do I love people. When I am able to build genuine connections of presence with people, to see and be seen by them, it is the highest joy.
So I do take a lot of time for myself, this way I can be with people in the capacity that I want to which is from a present relaxed ground.
When I show up as myself, it makes it easier for other people to show up as themselves as we are all just us.
To start close in is to create a ripple, we are all waves anyways. (Scientifically true)
I feel full from a week and weekend of interesting experiences with people that helped remind me how much I enjoy being in this world and experiencing this fun strange thing called life.
Toodles 😘.